Lacking Faith

As I was getting ready to go to sleep I heard God speak " I want you to go to the Philippines." Then I said "you must be kidding me. I am already planning on going to La Paz." "Right now is not the time." Then God said, " are you done planning?" I ignored it and went to bed thinking this must be a joke! 


The next day my friend and I decided to attend and earlier service at church and during worship I felt the holy spirit all over that place! Being in God's presence is always something wonderful. As I praised God, the holy spirit spoke "I TOLD YOU TO GO TO THE PHILIPPINES!" It was so loud and clear that it shook me and I started to shake and cry. I was convicted that I was being disobedient. All I could ask is "why?" So the next day I signed up and got accepted to go. 


A week later I get a call from one of the staff asking if I was going to pay the application fee to go. That meant I really had to commit, ahhh! No bueno! I told her I was going to pray about it some more because I was not sure God was sending me. Then I told her the story how the holy spirit had been telling me that I needed to sign up. Then she said "well there you. that is God calling you!" Then she asked me what is stopping me? I said my finances. Then she told me about people stepping out in faith and all I could do was cry.

 I have seen God work in my life and in others, but still I doubted. I was lacking faith! I got on my knees that day and asked God to give me FAITH! I realized that everyday I have not been walking in faith and that I was disabling God from showing who He really is. 


How could I go into the missions field not being confident in who my God is? In this season God is teaching me how to walk in faith everyday. He wants to show me His power and what he can do when I walk in faith. 


I remember telling God when he revealed this to me "you are going to make me a crazy lady!" I will be a crazy women for Jesus and I don't care what people say I don't want to fear men no more! "For God did not make us with a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7. Even if I may not go to the Philippines I know I did what God told me to do. I am walking in faith and being obedient. He is growing me through this and I know I am doing the right thing. 


"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6. There is nothing we can do to please God, but only by waking in faith. For me this is a season of trusting God and being obedient which leads to walking in FAITH. How are you walking in faith? It does not mean you have to leave everything behind, but in ways of giving up comforts, stepping out to talk to someone about God, in giving finances, etc... Seek Him with all of your heart and you will find him. 

Abba

Nehemiah

I wanted to share with you what God has done in my life in my recent trip called Nehemiah through IMPACT 195.

Prior to the week of going on this trip God started to work in my heart. For some reason I was able to grasp just a bit of God's goodness. One day during school I always get there about an hour early to go pray for the students and staff, but that day was different as I went into the prayer room God started to reveal all of His goodness to me. I've realized that I am just a sinful person and will always be. Even though, I am a sinful person God still loves me and blesses me beyond what I could ask for. I remember that day 2 of my brothers were in the prayer room with me and I just remember crying and and poring my heart out on how good God is to us. He was already at work in restoring my heart, so that instead of choosing sorrow I would chose His grace.

As we got on the road Monday morning to head up to Romona, CA all I could think of was how God had a beautiful week full of his glory planned for all of us. I had no expectations and went with an open heart to learn and grow. I was hungry for more of God! As we got into the 8hr lessons God was revealing that he had been preparing my heart for the message a week before. Everyday I was in awe of who our God is.

The first day I learned about Nehemiah's heart for the Jews. He had a heart for people he did not even know. He put others before him and was a selfless man. He had a huge burden in His heart for them. Then there was a question Who do you ask questions about? because that is what truly reveals what is in your heart! What do you pray for? Your future house, wife, car, ect...? God has called us for a greater work! Sometimes we are so consumed on what we think is right and better for us that we lose sight in what God has for us. God is faithful and we should trust him. He will do things for you that you can not do. He did not create you for what you were not meant to be.

The second day I learned about how the Jews for so many year lived in captivity. They remained captive in their minds and lack of boundaries in their lives. There are areas in our lives that we need to set boundaries and put gates. Because there is some of us that walls have been burned down. The jews lived in a captivity mind set as many of us do. We forget who our God is! Then we start to get bitter and our hearts are hardened. The heart that is critical is already in bondage because they are critical they judge.

If you are a critical person it reveals you are in bondage. If you are trash talking God’s people you are trash talking God. Do you trust God with your reputation?  If you  respond to criticism you are in bondage of your mind.You have to be ruthless with yourself about the truth. We all perceive ourselves different then other people see us. That brought conviction to my heart because there is times when I can get prideful and I start to get critical of my family who are not Christians. It shook my cup! 

The third day I learned who I am in Christ and where I fit into this community of believers. I am not speaking with pride, but humbleness that God has gifted me in so many ways. I have finally been able to realize that this week. He is a giving God, even though I don't deserve any of what he has given me it shows me how big his love is for me. Here are the spiritual gifts God has given me: Exhortation, Leadership, Prophecy, Apostleship, Faith, Words of Knowledge, Tongues, Evangelism, Shepherding, Craftsmanship, Discerning of spirits, Mercy. Those who have been given much are responsible of much and I have realized that God has given me a great responsibility. I am not saying that you have to have many gifts to be highly look at or better because we are all one part of one body and we all must work together. We can't work one without the other. We are all responsible to know our gifts and how we fit into the community of believers. We must put all of our gifts to work because that is why God has blessed us with those so we could bring kingdom here on earth.  We must be generous with our gifts and always give the best to the community of believers. What are your gifts? 

Lastly, learning to have a thankful heart and knowing that God is enough. The main response to revival that you have a generous heart. That you are dedicated to purity. That you are dedicated to purity and sacrifice. There are store rooms that represent the chambers of your inner heart we store stuff that we worship God with. I can be carnal and still expect God to be good in my life.What are the worldly vessels clogging  your heart that need to be thrown out? God brings the things that need to be there in your heart. You need to bring back what fuels your worship with God. What are the things that fuel your heart? Thankfulness, meditation, thinking about God’s goodness, mercy, and grace! What we need to do is bring the aroma of thankfulness into our hearts.

God has taught me so much through this journey and hope it was a blessing to you all! Love you! 

Keep Walking...

I know I have not written a blog in a long time. So much has been going on in my life, but through all of it God is good!

I wanted to share how God has been working in my heart and how I have been changed by His love. One of my favorite places to spend my time with God is on my hammock from Guatemala on my porch. It's kinda of a comfort to know that it came from a country that I have a heart for and miss. As I sat outside asking God to reveal what has been hindering my relationship with Him I've realized that my whole life has been a hinderance and what was drifting me away from his presence. I am a sinner! I've realized the closer I want to be with God I am just a filthy person that deserves nothing of Him. But he loves us too much that he lets us be in His presence. How could God be so good? I don't understand? At that moment I fell to my knees with a thankful heart. As tears of shamefulness fell from my face he spoke " you are my chosen, beloved, forgiven , adopted, beautiful..." I am nothing without my God!

Moving on, one of the hardest things for me is being still. Well this past year God has been making me walk when I want to run. It has been one of the most challenging things for me. As my heart and calling are in 3rd world countries. I've had the hardest time being here in America. However, God has been teaching me that there is so many lost souls here and I have been a witness to many amazing things God has done through me to bring kingdom here in the States. Well, being in one place has never been the story for me since I was 14 years old. I have always been on the go moving from city to city, country to country. As you can tell I love adventure and change. I thrive off of that. I like to experience change and be out of my comfort zone, never knowing what to expect! But I realized that no matter where I am at I can be on an adventure with Jesus. As I sat in my room one night I prayed and asked God to show me a dream of where he wants me because my heart could not take it anymore. He gave me a dream of a path that I was taking HE said "take that path and keep walking" I am already on the path where he wants me. I just have to keep walking and stop asking! I have to trust that the lord will guide my path (Proverbs 16:9). My daddy knows best! 


Everyday I have to keep dying to who I am. I just want more of HIM and less of me. He is faithful and we can trust Him.